my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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