I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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