at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
its liver damage thursday
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
