Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
