If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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