Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
