She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
