I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
