Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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