wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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