yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
