remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
His nipple licking is glorious
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