The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
