i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just had sex on a roof
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
