last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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