And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
