Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
