Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
