I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
