You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
