I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
