Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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