I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
