I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I need a beard to bite.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
