AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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