we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
