last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
