Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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