Her vagina should come with caution tape.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
