I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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