heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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