Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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