just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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