Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
