Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
