sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
