I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My liver is preforming stress tests.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
