Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
