You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
