i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
