My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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