An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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