In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
