i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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