u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
