I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
