Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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