She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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