trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
