Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
