i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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