I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
